County Commissioner reclassifies all differing opinions as "hate speech"
Weary of having to defend his half-baked and falsely grounded perspectives on all things from infrastructure investment to the actual meanings of real words, county commissioner and motion-control enthusiast David Madore took to the internet this week to remove people from the internet.
On the Facebook page that he marks as public, uses to transact county business, and links to publicly in his capacity as an elected official, Madore claimed that he will no longer accept commentary from anyone who disagrees with him.
"This kind of hate speech will not be tolerated," Madore typed furiously from his desk at the publicly funded county building. "Questioning my flawed core assumptions and pointing out glaring errors in fact or interpretation is simply intolerable."
"Um," wrote one commenter, shortly before being banned. "Disagreeing with you isn't hate speech. You're kind of totally and fundamentally missing the point."
"Look how these monsters persecute me!" typed Madore. "This will not stand!"
"Dude," wrote another community member who qualified his remarks by reminding Madore that he is actually a supporter, so "Please don't take this the wrong way, but um, chill out. Can't you defend your positions without rushing to blame someone else? I voted for you and it's kind of sad to see you get all defensive and fascist like this."
Madore clicked "ban user" on that man and proceeded to explain why in another 800-word comment.
"It saddens me," he wrote, "that even people who once had the sense to vote for me as their representative now longer take everything I say and do as gospel. Nothing has changed--well, the only thing that has changed is them. They have been wooed by the hate-mongers who try to have reasonable discourse based on fact instead of empty ideology. They have been turned into word-terrorists by those who would deign to disagree with me.
"This is my personal Facebook page," he continued. "I mean, if you overlook the fact that it's the only way I allow people to interact with me, I advertise it as a public county business page, and I have another, separate Facebook page that I clearly mark as personal. But other than that, this is my personal page when I want it to be and so I assert my First Amendment right to kick you off of it in order to maintain the illusion that no one disagrees with me."
He then posted a clip art picture of a fancy cat in a top hat, rolling around in a pile of money.
"We all know that I purchased this seat in order to be able to say I represent the people. By disagreeing with me, you tarnish that illusion and I just can't have that. And so, as of today, all individuals in Clark County who disagree with me are hate terrorists. I do not represent these hateful views, and I do not represent these people."
Everyone in Clark County then paused what they were doing to look around quizzically.
"Did that really just happen?" asked one.
"Seriously, didn't he just break about 45 different laws?" asked another.
A third person shrugged. "Probably. I'm pretty sure that's on the low end for his daily tally. But, you know. At least he's finally being honest about the fact that he doesn't represent the people of Clark County."