Thursday, July 10, 2014

Thursday, July 10, 2014

After first day of Vancouver pot sales, Uptown residents waaaaaaay more chill about the new McDonald's going in up the street


The crowds on Main Street were notable, as people lined up yesterday to buy legal recreational marijuana in Vancouver. Happily burning incense, playing drums, and exchanging meaningful nods as they appreciated one another's braided-hemp jewelry, citizens of Southwest Washington as well as Portland celebrated the ability to get high legally.

"This is the future, man," said one excited citizen who roamed the crowd trying to sell his collection of handmade bongs. "Here's your usual Gatorade bottle," he said about one. "And here's an apple," he said, brandishing another. "You want to get really awesome, here's one I made out of a doll's head. I know! Crazy!"

Giving credit to the notion that legal pot sales will be good for Clark County businesses, every convenience store and gas station within walking distance of Main Street Marijuana reported selling out of Cheetos, candy bars and hot dogs by 3pm.

"We just couldn't keep the shelves stocked!" said the manager of the 7-Eleven two blocks away from the new shop. "Either people were stocking up because they knew they weren't going to be leaving the house for a couple days, or they'd gotten high the second they left the shop and were on their way home."

He paused to think about what he'd just said. "I mean, not that anyone at all would do that, since it's illegal to smoke in public. All the people who bought pot today and definitely everyone who comes into this store are totally law-abiding citizens who wouldn't disrespect the law, I'm positive. So, um, scratch that. It was all people who were, um, planning ahead. Yeah."

An unexpected effect of the new shop opening has been a reduction in opposition to the McDonald's that has been planned for the lot across the street from 7-Eleven. Though Downtown residents have been up in arms about the siting of the fast-food restaurant, opposition dramatically decreased by Wednesday evening.

"Yeah..." said one red-eyed young man. "I wasn't super into the whole corporate fast-food thing being so close to my house. But... I don't know... I could really go for a Big Mac right now." He stopped talking to visualize a Big Mac and his eyes got wide. "Or one of those apple pies! Duuuude, those are so gooooooood. Hey, uh, could you give me a ride to the other McDonald's? It's only like a mile away."


1 comment:

  1. We don't need another god damn McDs in that lot. There is another just 3 min east down 4th plain. The idea of two of them that close together is asinine.

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