Benton taps Benton for key Administrative Assistant role
Brief email from Benton to Benton shows questionable qualifications
Last week, state senator/environmental services director/jelly donut enthusiast Don Benton (R-Hazzard) found out that his administrative assistant at the county would be leaving. While this change won't really affect Benton's office, as he does not spend much time there, he realized over the weekend that this vacancy created yet another opportunity for him to expand his burgeoning career as a bureaucrat.
Late last night, this email arrived in Don Benton's email inbox:
From: Benton, Don
Sent: Monday, August 20, 2013 11:43 PM
To: Benton, Don
Subject: Administrative Assistant to Director of Environmental Services
Dear Director Benton,
It has come to my attention that the "Administrative Assistant, Director of Environmental Services" position with Clark County is open. My experience in both the private and public sectors successfully creating yards of paperwork with little purpose or clarity and managing seemingly simple operations into complex and murky quagmires that devolve into shouting matches have provided me with the unique qualifications for this position.
Clark County has many talented and qualified administrative assistants, so I have no doubt that there are plenty of people who will be able to step in and help me, should the time ever arise that your office of environmental services actually begins doing any work that requires actual administrative knowledge.
Until such time, however, we both know that I am the one who can pioneer new and innovative ways to spend public dollars in the service of private interests. For examples of past successes, please see my previous application for the job you currently hold, despite the lack of any applicable skills, experience, or open public application process.
Thank you for you consideration. I think you know as well as I do, that when a job at the county needs to be filled, I'm really the only one who has the necessary qualifications, no matter what the job requirements are.
I look forward to hearing from you, and will direct Human Resources to begin paying my additional salary for the job immediately.
The Most Qualified Man in Clark County