New county commissioner resigns to run for Pope
"It's a much closer match for my interests and experience"
At today's meeting of the Clark County Board of Commissioners, new commissioner and motion control enthusiast David Madore stunned the audience by announcing his resignation, effective immediately.
"I sincerely appreciate the support of every single person I paid to stand behind me during the recent election," said Madore. "And I know that my resignation comes as a bit of a surprise. However, with yesterday's news about the Pope, I just have to follow my heart."
When asked about the fact that Madore, an evangelical fundamentalist Christian, is not Catholic, he shrugged it off. "I'm not a 'labels' guy," he said.
As confused citizens checked their agendas to confirm that, yes, this was supposed to be the part where they're allowed to speak, Madore continued.
"I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from," he said. "We all know there's nothing I like more than buying favors and telling other people what to do. If the Catholic church isn't a perfect match for my interests and experience, well, I don't know what is!"
"Well it'll certainly give a new interpretation to a Papal Bull," muttered a county staffer as he slipped out of the room to celebrate with the rest of his co-workers.