Wednesday, January 30, 2013

New commissioner says he'll just bring in his own staff
"Because if I'm not the one paying them, how can I control them?"

In another bold and less-than-legal move yesterday, newly anointed Clark County commissioner and motion control enthusiast David Madore informed the board that he would like to bring in his own staff.

"It's really quite simple," Madore said, when even Tom Mielke raised his eyebrows.

Madore said he wanted to start by bringing in a personal assistant, local assault weapon sympathizer and "campaign manager" Anna Miller, whose most recent jobs have included being paid by David Madore and volunteering for the Clark County Republican Party, which is also paid by David Madore.

"I'm a consensus guy," Madore said. "I don't like to surround myself with 'yes men.' I like to surround myself with people whose livelihood depends on me continuing to pay them to be my supporters. It's totally different. Isn't that right, Anna?"

"Yes, David. That's absolutely right," Anna replied promptly.

Madore elaborated on his plan, stating that his new staff would use no county resources. "I'll pay them myself," he said, "and they would use private cell phones and email addresses."

County Administrator Bill Barron looked around the room, hoping someone would jump out and tell him that Candid Camera is still a thing and he is on it. Finding no such luck, he inhaled slowly before speaking.

"Well, Commissioner," said Barron. "We actually have a staff already. And you and Commissioner Mielke have also talked about how we might have too many staff members."

"And this is perfect," said Madore. With our new, private staff helping the county run like a business, we can let some of those positions expire."

Commissioner Steve Stuart piped in. "So, once again, you're calling yourself a job creator while taking action to eliminate jobs. Interesting."

"Steve!" said Madore. "I didn't know you were still here!"

Stuart shrugged and sighed. "Yup. Still here. Every day's a blessing," he said flatly.

"Well, Commissioner," said Barron, "there are additional problems with this plan."

"Do tell, Mr. Barron," said Madore.

"Well, by design throughout the state, commissioners don't directly manage staff. Further, if your private staff are using private lines of communication, we would be violating public information and records laws."

Madore smiled broadly. "So you're telling me you don't think I can do something I want to do?"

"Well, Commissioner, you're spinning it a little differently than I just said it, but essentially, yes."

"And remind me, Mr. Barron. Yours is the only position the commissioners do currently have control over, correct?"

Barron stared into Madore's eyes without blinking. "That is correct."

"Interesting."