Thursday, January 17, 2013

Washington senators demand a vote on tolls and taxes in other states
"Otherwise, it's taxation without representation. Or, you know, some other part of our nation's history I'm willfully misunderstanding"

State Senators Don Benton (R-17) and Ann Rivers (R-18) proposed legislation this morning that would allow all Clark County voters the opportunity to vote on taxes, fees, and tolls in states and municipalities throughout the United States.

"I know that, typically, you don't see state legislation that focuses so specifically on only one part of the state," said Rivers. "But we've been listening to our constituents, and this is something they really, really want."

Asked about the fact that what you really don't typically see is state legislation that attempts to impose itself on the legislative bodies of other states, Rivers shrugged. "Well, sure. If you want to get all technical about it."

Senate Bill 5090 would mandate that all voters in Clark County be able to vote on any revenue-generating ballot measures in any state, city, or county, nation-wide.

"Say they want to raise the sales tax in Boise, Idaho," said Benton. "But I've got constituents who have family in Boise. They HAVE to go there for a visit at least a couple times a year. They can't avoid it! And while they're there in Boise, they're likely going to have to do some shopping. It is unfair and downright un-Constitutional for them to have to pay an increased sales tax that they couldn't even vote on!"

Other Republican senators stared at Benton.

"Seriously?" asked Senator Jim Honeyford.

"Seriously!" sputtered Benton.

"Our constituents have spoken," said Rivers. "They are adamant that they have the opportunity to vote on anything and everything that might or might not affect them, depending on the day, week, or weather. If there's a possibility they might one day drive over a toll bridge because they happen to be somewhere that has a toll bridge, then by God they want the opportunity to vote on whether or not that toll bridge is built."

"Sure," she continued, "these constituents show a demonstrable lack of understanding of basic governmental function, jusrisdictional authority, and even rudimentary causational logic -- but that's not my problem. MY problem is making sure that they feel I'm representing them, no matter how impractical, short-sighted, or laughable their demands."

A small group of Benton's and Rivers's constituents burst into applause. "Finally! Legislators who will act on the will of the people, even when that will and those people are totally fucking batshit! This is democracy in action!"