The Daily 'Couve

Friday, March 16, 2012

It's been a fun ride, Vancouver
But, uh, my parole officer said this was out of scope

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Let's just rip the damn Band-Aid off, OK?

It's been a hell of a two years, but times change, people change -- well, actually, Vancouver, let's stop there for a minute. Because that's kind of part of the problem. It's not that we don't love you. Hell, if there were anything we'd sidle up to in the middle of the night and make mad, passionate man-love to, it'd be you. We can't quit you, Vancouver.

But we can hit the pause button on this blog.

Because, you see ... one of the key elements of a good story is that its main characters grow and change.

But ... um ... well, I guess the only way to say this is to say it, Vancouver: Your story doesn't really have much of an arc.

Don't get us wrong -- you're super fun at parties, and NO ONE can shotgun a Bud Light like you. But ... well ... what we at The Daily 'Couve do is make fun of you and the wildly ineffective people who are trying to lead you. And frankly, it gets kind of old trying to figure out how to tell another goddamn joke about the same goddamn thing we were making fun of these people for LAST year.

So it's not because we don't love you, baby. It's because this little bird's gotta fly. And by "fly," we specifically mean "stop having to try to find yet another way of saying that our leaders' words and deeds resemble a lost episode of 'F-Troop' more strongly than any of us should be comfortable with."

We've had some fun, pointed out some of our community's flaws, and made lots of fun of people who, in most cases, deserved it. And for those times we made fun of you and you didn't deserve it? Well, dude -- everybody gets a bye. So why don't we just wait another five minutes for the next ridiculous thing that you have to say. Hm? How about that?

So here's the deal, folks. The Daily 'Couve is going on indefinite hiatus. We're not saying it's over, because we hate it when you start crying and get all puffy and your mascara runs.

So ... we're taking a break.

And who knows? Maybe if our leaders start doing something besides just running around bumping into each other like they're in a goddamn Three Stooges flick, we'll be back even sooner than you think.

Thanks to all of you who have been fans and supporters over the last two years. May you be met in your heathen heaven with kittens, puppies and unicorns to snuggle with in perpetuity. In all seriousness, you're the shit. We'd totally make wild man-love to you.

And to the haters? You kept us going in your own way, too. Yeah, in all likelihood, we'd do you as well. But it'd totally be a grudge-fuck, with no kissing.

See you at the Elbow Room, kids. Make sure you give your toddler the keys so she can drive you home.